Listen to the Ali on the Run Show!
- May 27, 2020 by AliAli on the Run Show Episode 242: Shalane Flanagan
- May 25, 2020 by AliAli on the Run Show Episode 241: On the Job with JoMarie Flores, Funeral Director
- May 21, 2020 by AliAli on the Run Show Episode 240: Lee Glandorf, Tracksmith Head of Communications
- May 20, 2020 by AliAli on the Run Show Episode 239: Dinée Dorame, Citizen of the Navajo Nation
- May 13, 2020 by AliAli on the Run Show Episode 238: Sasha Wolff, Founder of Still I Run
Things In Life I Have No Desire To Do
It’s been a busy 12 hours in my life. Last night Brian and I looked at one apartment, fell in love and are now in the process of submitting an application. My fingers and toes are crossed in hopes that this actually works out. I also braided my hair today. I figured crossing my hairs couldn’t hurt.
This morning I ran six slow miles. There’s not much else to report there, except that I’m feeling some hip and knee pain on my busted left side today, so I have an ART appointment in a few hours. Sorry, job. Gotta go get beat up for a little while so I can run. My priorities are fine. My work gets done.
Sometimes I read a blog or an article or I eavesdrop on someone’s conversation on the subway, and I think, “Wow! What a great idea! Yes I should spend all my disposable income on exercise clothes and fancy organic delivery meal services! You are totally right, random stranger wearing Christian Louboutin heels and spandex and carrying an Hermes Birkin bag that costs more than my annual salary.”
Just kidding. Ladies with Loubs don’t have to ride the subway. That would be silly.
But really, that’s how I ended up running a marathon, I think.
I read so many blogs about it, I was already running half marathons, and going for 26.2 seemed like a cool challenge that I was eager to try out. For years I swore I had “no interest in running a marathon,” and yet, here I am, registered for both a spring and fall marathon. Crazy how that happens.
Other times, I read about things people do, and I’m like, “Man, that is so great for you that you just swam the English Channel, but wow, that is not something I am inspired to do at all. Keep up your great work, though.”
Here are a few more things I have no desire to do:
- A Tough Mudder. I know, people are oddly obsessed with these things. But to me, the idea of crawling through electrical wire and getting my nice Brooks filthy on purpose doesn’t appeal to me. I put my body through enough just running, I don’t really want to attempt to throw it over a 10-foot wall on top of that. Sorry, don’t ask me to join your team.
- A triathlon. Sometimes I think I’d like to do a duathlon, which would mean I’d need to invest in a bike and also learn how to ride it. But if you’ve ever seen me in the water, you know a triathlon is most definitely not in the cards. I don’t own a “real” bathing suit, and if you threw me in a lap pool I would either crash into fellow swimmers, try to get you to rate my handstands or, most likely, just drown.
- Run in just a sports bra. No one needs to see that. Yesterday I ran in long sleeves and I got super hot, and was like, “Dang, it would be nice to just tie this shirt around my waist.” Then I thought about the sight my fellow Reservoir runners would have to endure, and I thought about how I swore I was going to “start doing planks regularly,” and also thought about how I gave up on that goal a month ago. I’m definitely not an insecure person, but I think I have too much happening up top to be able to pull off the sports-bra-and-booty shorts look. I’ll leave that to Megan and her fit little running crew.
- Run a marathon in all 50 states. This is a goal that many of my friends have, and I think it’s pretty cool. For me, though, accomplishing this goal would take most of my lifetime, since I can’t run monthly marathons and still walk in a straight line during the week. I respect this goal, it’s just not on my list.
- Go bungee jumping. I went skydiving and loved it, but all I think of when I see someone bungee jumping is a crunched and shattered spine and also, a broken bungee and death. No thanks.
- Go to space. Sometimes I think it would be awesome to look at the earth from afar, but then I think about the food and the supremely close living quarters, and the Crohn’s disease, and I tell myself that I can just watch Apollo 13 whenever I have the urge to be near the moon. Also, wasn’t Lance Bass supposed to go to space? Did that happen?
- Run a Disney race. For more on this, refer to this post, which I didn’t write but I did read it, and I nodded along to most of it. Again, some people love these races. Every now and then I enjoy getting dressed up and running. But those damn Disney races are expensive, and I’m not a huge Disney person. I like it, but I’d rather play at the parks than run through them in costume for a hefty entry fee. Also, they seem really crowded. Too many women. Too many women scare me.
- Have a bridal shower. I’ll throw one for you. I’ll attend yours. I’ll get you a nice present and I’ll play the games and I’ll wear a nice dress. But oh God, I never want to have one of my own. I don’t want to sit on a chair while people watch me open presents. I’m not afraid of the spotlight. Obviously. In fact, I’m a huge fan of the spotlight. But I don’t know. I don’t want a bridal shower, ever.
- Go to Sephora. This place terrifies me more than a pack of thousands of women running through Disney World in princess dresses. There are so many products and I don’t know how to use a single one of them. Also, they are very expensive. I went here once to buy a gift, and I panicked. I was so overwhelmed. I wish I were better about skincare and knowing which products to use on various parts of my body, but this stuff is foreign territory to me. I have lots of friends who get excited when there’s a Sephora nearby, and I have to be the one who’s like, “OK, I’ll wait across the street at the Mr. Softee truck. Bye.”
- Stop eating any food that is delicious. Deprivation is the worst. Tell me I can’t eat a brownie, and guess what? I’m going to eat 19 brownies. I’m no good at diets or restriction.
I am really excited to re-visit this list in about a year, at which point I surely will have run a Disney race in a sports bra while wrapped in barbed wire, covered in mud, right before I throw myself a bridal shower, for which I’ve surely registered at Sephora. And the shower will be in space. Hope you can make it.
Also, if everything I listed above happens to be everything that’s on your life’s To Do list, don’t be offended. This is all fun and games, people. The great thing about life is that I can hate things and you can love them and we can still be best friends. Unless you hate Cadbury Mini Eggs, in which case, get out of my life.
Finally, please let me know if you’re running or spectating this very exciting weekend event right here in NYC:
My sign is ready to go, and I’m most likely going to be spectating near Engineers’ Gate and then making my way down to the finish line near the South Street Seaport. Runners, I’m wicked excited for you. Spectators, join me! Wear something sparkly so I can find you.
ALSO TELL ME: What things in life do you have no desire to do?