OH LOOK, ANOTHER PHOTO OF ALI PICKING HER BUTT. Why is this my standard now?

Perplexing Thoughts

Date: June 17, 2014 at 10:44 am- by Ali- Comment(s): 53

I’ve been doing some really deep thinking lately, pondering some of life’s greatest mysteries. Malaysia Flight 370. KONY 2012. (What ever happened with that, other than the guy who made the video getting busted for doing…ya know…in the middle of the street that time? Did it just end after that colossal PR disaster?) My ever-growing credit card statement. Stuff like that.

I’d like it if you’d let me share some of my thoughts and questions with you today. Maybe you can help me out.

I spent Saturday morning cheering for the runners at the Mini 10K in Central Park. Did I high five you? I probably high fived you. It was my goal to high five EVERYONE. And then wash my hands 100 times.

I spent Saturday morning cheering for the runners at the Mini 10K in Central Park. Did I high five you? I probably high fived you. It was my goal to high five EVERYONE. And then wash my hands 100 times.

The women waiting on the subway platforms in the summer in New York City with blow-dried hair and no upper lip sweat. Who are they? How do they lead such impeccable lives? To get from my apartment to the subway, I have to walk up this tiny hill, and by the time I reach the “summit” (it’s like eight feet of elevation gain across a one-block stretch; it’s so rough) I am sufficiently soaked, namely along my hairline, upper lip, lower back and under-boob. Also, on most summer days I definitely cannot even fathom blow drying my hair. And yet I arrive on the platform for that downtown 6 train and there are all these ladies, in their pencil skirts and their button-down blouses and their no boob sweat. How?

Alec and Hilaria Baldwin. I saw them on my way to work last week. I kind of hate myself for snapper this bigtime creeper photo, but I was excited because WE BASICALLY HAVE MATCHING TRACKSUITS.

Alec and Hilaria Baldwin. I saw them on my way to work last week. I kind of hate myself for snapping this big-time creeper photo, but I was excited because WE BASICALLY HAVE MATCHING TRACKSUITS. Stars, they’re just like us. Alec, you’re just like me!

Women commuting in heels. How do they do it? Are they in secret pain? Are their feet numb? Don’t their heels ever get stuck in the subway grates on the street and then they face-plant and die? Are they magical?

A cockroach made its way up to the 28th floor of my building and into my living room yesterday. How?! (Apparently they can fly, that’s how, and I had all the windows wiiiide open all night prior.) This was my first run-in with a real, live, crawling cockroach and I did not like it one bit. I’m normally fine with bugs, but I saw this little dickwad and had to wake Brian for help. I did a whimpery, “There’s a cockroach in the apartment!” that may have come out less as a whimper and more as a murderous wail. I don’t remember, actually.

I thought I had crushed it underneath a towel (um, Brian’s shower towel…it was the closest thing I could find, I swear), but Brian picked up the towel and away the roach scurried. Eventually he bleached it and crushed it to death. Today we are getting our apartment professionally deep cleaned because the experience was so traumatizing for me. And also because we live very filthy daily lives and what’s underneath the couch is scary.

SURPRIIIIIISE! It's Tyler! Figured you hadn't seen him in a while, so here he is! Have I mentioned that he's getting a little sibling, expected at the end of August? I'm getting another nephew or a niece! I'm petitioning for them to name it Tyler-2. Just seems like it'd be easier.

SURPRIIIIIISE! It’s Tyler! Figured you hadn’t seen him in a while, so here he is! Have I mentioned that he’s getting a little sibling, expected at the end of August? I’m getting another nephew or a niece! I’m petitioning for them to name it Tyler-2. Just seems like it’d be easier.

People who can sleep while wearing earrings. Doesn’t that hurt? I can’t do it. I need all jewelry off. The backs of the earrings dig into my skull and it aches. I salute you people who can sleep in jewelry.

People who can run while wearing jewelry. Does your necklace ever hit you in the face? I’ve never tried it, but I think I would get pelted in the eyeball with the chain. And I would get it sweaty. And it would distract me. I don’t know. So much to think about.

Lauren Fleshman and I do NOT run with jewelry. Buuuuut I think everyone else does. I don't know because the results of my formal survey aren't in yet. But they will be soon probably. The deadline was yesterday. For my survey.

Lauren Fleshman and I do NOT run with jewelry. Buuuuut I think everyone else does. I don’t know because the results of my formal survey aren’t in yet. But they will be soon probably. The deadline was yesterday. For my survey.

So you’ve decided to wear a bunch of bangles to work today. Cute! And now you’re typing away and you’re surviving just fine. Explain yourself. I have so many bangles and I love them and they look nice with some outfits. Then I get to work and I try to type and they clank all over the place, hitting the keyboard and typing their own words and productivity is over. The bangles have ruined my To-Do list, basically. Sometimes I’ll try to shove them up onto the thicker part of my forearm, but eventually they come barreling back down onto the keyboard and the desk. Havoc ensues.

Bedazzled mouse + bangled wrist = bad news! OR IS IT JUST ME???

Bedazzled mouse + bangled wrist = bad news! OR IS IT JUST ME???

Ladies who get manicures and maintain them for longer than eight minutes. You’re a mystery. You’re the real American heroes.

OH LOOK, ANOTHER PHOTO OF ALI PICKING HER BUTT. Why is this my standard now?

OH LOOK, ANOTHER PHOTO OF ALI PICKING HER BUTT. Why is this my standard now?

Dear all my headphones: Is running with me really so bad that you must kill yourselves after nearly every run? Love, Alison. PS Is there any way to get you to not sign that DNR form this time? I’d love for you to come back to me. Think of my sweat as your hydration. Your Nuun. Your life force. PPS I learned what “DNR” means from watching “Grey’s Anatomy.” PPPS RIP Denny.

THERE GOES FELLER. Emily took this during a November Project workout. You'll notice no one else is around or going in my direction. Because I was running for the bathroom. Unsurprising, really.

THERE GOES FELLER. Emily took this during a November Project workout. You’ll notice no one else is around or going in my direction. Because I was running for the bathroom. Unsurprising, really.

Commuters with just one bag. Your minimalism and simplicity astound me. On any given day, I have three bags: one containing my laptop, planner, wallet, sunglasses, fancy pens, etc.; one with sneakers and workout things, should I be planning a post-work sweatfest; and my lunchbox. Everything is heavy and uncomfortable, and my shoulders are always bright-red by the time I get to work. You’d think getting a seat on the subway would help, but it doesn’t, because where am I going to put all my bags?

Kettlebells: Nooope. Too hard. Putting you down. Bye.

If there were a yoga class where you got to make all the sounds that the yoga poses “should” make, would you take it? I so obviously would. I’m trying to convince Bethany that this is an awesome idea, and I post about it on her Facebook wall daily. She tends to “Like” my comment, but I don’t see “Power Beaks” [TM] on the schedule yet… Think about it, though: Eagle pose = eagle noises. Crow pose = crow, obviously. Downward dog = barf bark woof! Airplane = vroom vroom engine noises! Pigeon pose = you shit wherever you want and get in everyone’s way and are disgusting. It’s a good idea. I really need someone to invest in this.

Bethany's the one on the right, NOT letting me be a yoga instructor at her studio. How rude.

Bethany’s the one on the right, NOT letting me be a yoga instructor at her studio. How rude.

Weeknight people who cook. Just tell me how the hell you do it, because I can’t get my act together, and I’ve been trying for like four years. I don’t get home painfully late. I’m not here to tell you how busy I am. I’m no busier than the average working person these days. I’m just lazy, and I don’t food prep or grocery shop or bother getting my act together. And I don’t really know how to cook many things. So OK, I guess we actually solved this mystery. Perplexion over: People who cook dinner every night are just not lazy people.

I pack and assemble my lunch everyday! Doesn't that count for something? It's supposed to be a hummus and cucumber sandwich, but I'm too lazy to actually open up the pita and put the hummus and cucumbers inside, so I just slop it all on top and eat it like a pizza.

I pack and assemble my lunch every day! Doesn’t that count for something? It’s supposed to be a hummus and cucumber sandwich, but I’m too lazy to actually open up the pita and put the hummus and cucumbers inside, so I just slop it all on top and eat it like a pizza.

Finally, two promotional-y things:

  1. Run this 5K next Tuesday at 7 PM in Prospect Park. It’s a prediction race, which means you predict your finish time when you sign up, and then you’re not allowed to run with any sort of timing devices (that includes music). The person who comes closest to his/her predicted finish time is the winner. Hence the title: Anyone Can Win. It’s only $10 and I will be there and we can become real-life friends.
  2. Remember my friend Becky? We were the very best of friends growing up and swore by wearing matching outfits and convincing people we were sisters. I was also the Maid of Honor in her wedding a few years ago. Now, Becky is training to run a half marathon with Team Challenge! She’s doing the whole fundraising thing, so if you feel like supporting a wonderful cause today, head on over to Becky’s page. $13 for 13.1 miles, perhaps?

WHAT’S ON YOUR MIND? Have you been pondering any of life’s big mysteries lately? Let’s talk them out together. Maybe we can solve some of the world’s great problems.

Comments (53)
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Each workout ends with a group photo and there's usually some sort of theme or pose. In this one, we were supposed to make an "F" with your hands, standing for FRIDAY, but I am advanced and I can spell "BLOOD" with my fingers, so I did that. I'm not usually a rule breaker, so this was pretty ballsy.

Why I'm So Glad I Gave The November Project A Second Shot

Date: June 11, 2014 at 11:32 am- by Ali- Comment(s): 63

Back in November (October? What was the actual date of that party, people? Party people.), I was at the Runner’s World New York City Marathon party, and Brogan Graham gave a speech. Speech = he made everyone at the party […]

 
My first job in NYC had a tiny little "break room" where you could eat your lunch. In that tiny little break room was a tiny little window, and from that window you could stare out at the Brooklyn Bridge. I adored it.

21 Questions

Date: May 30, 2014 at 11:18 am- by Ali- Comment(s): 40

You’ve been a great audience lately: You’ve stuck around when my posts were miserable and unhappy, and you were there waiting when I was ready to come back and try to bring myself back to life. My posts have either […]

 
I suppose I can say why people move to Vermont. It smells so good and fresh, and check out those views! (To think I grew up just next door and didn't appreciate "the country" at ALL.)

The Rise From Rock Bottom

Date: May 27, 2014 at 9:10 pm- by Ali- Comment(s): 56

The nice thing about having a blog is that — if you actually update it regularly — it allows you to look back on the past and quite vividly remember what you were going through or how you were feeling […]

 
Do you notice anything different about me? LIKE MAYBE MY SHOES. Those aren't Brooks Adrenalines, folks. Those are PureFlows. I tried them out for the first time on race day, because you're supposed to try everything new ON race day.

Bridgehampton Half Marathon Recap

Date: May 15, 2014 at 1:04 pm- by Ali- Comment(s): 50

Two races in two weeks! Dare I say this just might be becoming a running blog once again? As you may recall (because I refuse to stop reminding people), my first-ever marathon was the Hamptons Marathon. I had the best […]

 
This is the tree about which I am talking. (Sometimes proper grammar sounds really stupid, doesn't it?)

29

Date: May 6, 2014 at 11:16 am- by Ali- Comment(s): 74

Last night, my BFF Michael came over to deliver some wonderful treats. She’s a great friend and an excellent neighbor. One of the magical treats was a huge bag of Starburst. She knows what I like. This morning, Brian came […]

 
Screen shot 2014-05-04 at 7.41.18 PM

Spring Duathlon At Smolak Farms Recap

Date: May 5, 2014 at 7:34 am- by Ali- Comment(s): 32

What is a race recap and how do I write one? Noooo, I remember how. And turns out, I even kind of remember how to race. Not too fast and not too far, but this weekend — for the first […]

 
Happiness = sweaty hugs.

Happy

Date: April 27, 2014 at 8:12 pm- by Ali- Comment(s): 54

So here’s something I have been wanting to write for a very long time: I am happy. Not just “I had a good day today!” happy, but more like, “I’ve had a lot of really good days in a row, […]

 
He has a son now, and I have a lot of split ends now.

Changes

Date: April 18, 2014 at 8:27 am- by Ali- Comment(s): 92

Three years ago, I found myself in a pretty bad place. I was in a relationship that had deteriorated—though I refused to acknowledge the reality of the situation for too long. So I was blindsided when my boyfriend at the […]

 
NYC. The sunshine state.

On My Mind

Date: April 15, 2014 at 5:47 pm- by Ali- Comment(s): 87

First, a note about Boston: It seems wrong to write without acknowledging the one-year anniversary of the Boston Marathon Bombings. I hate that that’s how we reference the anniversary. I don’t like that “Boston Marathon” is attached to the word […]