- New post: My 2nd week in the @LyonsDenPY 40-Day challenge. So far, loving it—w/ room for much improvement. http://t.co/YjGvwpQTis about 5 hours ago ReplyRetweetFavorite
- "Most Likely to Wear Shorts." Spot on, #NP_NYC. Happy Birthday, home tribe. Thank you for ALWAYS… https://t.co/D96WkpHx1I about 5 hours ago ReplyRetweetFavorite
- October 26, 2012 by AliPlease Let Me Make Your Day (That Means A Giveaway!)
- June 15, 2012 by AliMonday. 9 AM. Get Sweaty. (And For Now: A Giveaway!)
- August 10, 2012 by AliTake My Sweat (It's A Giveaway & It's Not Gross)
- May 25, 2012 by AliDo You Want Free Sneakers? (Translation: A Giveaway!)
- July 9, 2013 by AliEmbrace The Sweat (An "I Heart Sweat" Shirt Giveaway!)
- March 3, 2015 by Ali40 Days To Personal Revolution: Week 2
- February 24, 2015 by Ali40 Days To Personal Revolution: Week 1
- February 19, 2015 by Ali40 Days To Personal Revolution: Let's Get It Started!
- February 13, 2015 by AliPuzzling Thoughts + I Tried Mile High Run Club (And Got You A Free Class!)
- February 9, 2015 by AliAli Back On The Run
- March 2015
- February 2015
- January 2015
- December 2014
- November 2014
- October 2014
- September 2014
- August 2014
- July 2014
- June 2014
- May 2014
- April 2014
- March 2014
- February 2014
- January 2014
- December 2013
- November 2013
- October 2013
- September 2013
- August 2013
- July 2013
- June 2013
- May 2013
- April 2013
- March 2013
- February 2013
- January 2013
- December 2012
- November 2012
- October 2012
- September 2012
- August 2012
- July 2012
- June 2012
- May 2012
- April 2012
- March 2012
- February 2012
- January 2012
- December 2011
- November 2011
- October 2011
- September 2011
- August 2011
- July 2011
- June 2011
- May 2011
- April 2011
- March 2011
- February 2011
- January 2011
- December 2010
- November 2010
- October 2010
I was going to stop by the internet today to tell you about the very disappointing failure that was February 10.
About how I showed up for my appointment, so excited in my tracksuit, and Study Lady was just shocked to see me at the office! “Are you sure your appointment is today?” she asked.
I was sure. She should have been, too, since we had discussed this day no fewer than three times the previous week.
But evidently, you can’t just write down a patient’s appointment on a Post-It. You have to actually enter it into the computer system, and she neglected to do that…among other things. (I will not rant about Study Lady. I will not rant about Study Lady. Study Lady is an idiot who cannot handle her job. I will not rant about Study Lady.)
February 10 was a disaster. It was the most hysterical day I can remember having in months. I covered my tracksuit in tears that day, and I sat in that office for hours waiting for the Study Staff to get its shit together.
It never did, though, and I went home that night without drugs, without even a placebo, and with a day of my life fully wasted. And I was probably very, very dehydrated because of the tears.
So then I had to wait until February 12 to try again. Two more days, on top of those two more weeks, on top of the two years it’s already been. No big thing.
I returned to the doctor’s office two days later, again wearing my Get Well ASAP Tracksuit, and this time with slightly more trepidation.
This time, I decided not to put any pressure on the appointment. It was just another day at the doctor.
And this time, I got the drug, or the placebo, and though the day was long (an hour and a half of prep, an hour getting the infusion, a half hour of getting “flushed” with saline solution afterward, followed by six hours sitting in a room by myself being “monitored,” i.e. a poor girl coming in every so often to make sure the drugcebo didn’t kill me on the spot), it all happened.
“You should hopefully start feeling better in about a week to three weeks,” the doctor told me without much conviction (it’s fine).
A few days went by.
I was miserable for most of the long weekend. Plenty of pain, sleepless nights, an inability to leave the apartment and those damn night sweats. At one point I went to the grocery store across the street, and another time I got a pedicure with my friend, which was awesome. But other than that, I was cooped up and cranky.
And not healthy yet.
All I wanted on Monday was to try and go to yoga. I set my alarm crazy early, hoping to make it to a 9:30 AM class with my beloved Bethany.
It didn’t happen.
By Monday night, I was convinced I had gotten the dreaded placebo and this has all been a bunch of bullshit, even though we’re just a few days in. (My patience is admirable, don’t you think?)
I woke up today, Tuesday, February 18, with the “just get through the day” mentality I’ve succumbed to most mornings throughout the past year.
But maybe part of me was optimistic, because before I left the apartment, I managed to find a pair of shorts, a tank top and a sports bra, and I threw them in my bag. It’s been a while since I’ve seen those items.
I went to work early and had the busiest day I’ve had in a while. It’s hard to get in a productive groove when you have to haul ass across the office to the bathroom every 15 minutes.
By 5:15 PM, I was ready to leave.
There was a yoga class at my happy place, Lyons Den Power Yoga, at 6 PM with Terri, a teacher I adore. She was the last teacher I took class with, back on January 7, before things got really bad. That was my last “workout.”
So I got in a cab and I went downtown.
I walked up the three flights of stairs to the studio and was pathetically winded by the time I reached the top floor. My body is in one sad, unmuscular, uncardiovascularly-able state these days.
I went into the studio and was excited Patrick, the assistant studio manager and one of the instructors, actually remembered me.
I changed into my workout clothes and was surprised I remembered how to wiggle and writhe my way into my sports bra.
I set up a mat in the toasty room, right by the door, and laid down until class started. Terri knows about the whole Crohn’s situation, and she knows that if I run out mid-class, I’d rather not explain why. (In person at least…I do my explaining for the whole internet to read.)
Class started. I was nervous at first, and everything felt super weird. My legs were shaky, my toes felt miles away (can’t even come close to touching ‘em anymore!) and one chaturanga felt like 300 push-ups. I tipped over in tree pose (my favorite), my standby crow pose was less than graceful, eagle pose was absolutely not happening and I did an elegant faceplant when I decided to attempt side crow for the first time.
But I never had to leave class.
I managed to stop thinking about my stomach for a while, and I let myself relax and get all yoga-fied.
I remembered, albeit briefly and possibly for just a fleeting 60 minutes, how good it feels to feel good.
It wasn’t long before I was flopped down in savasana, crying those little happy tears I’ve been known to shed.
When I left the room, Bethany and two of my most favorite yoga friends — shout-out to Sam and Zovig — were in the lobby waiting for the next class
I lost my mind when I saw them. Like, fully dissolved into a puddle of ugly-cry tears and hugs. It was the best feeling and it was the happiest I remember feeling in a very long time. Those hugs were downright life-changing. Or at least temporarily mood-changing.
I came home and life quickly returned to “normal with Crohn’s.” But that’s OK. I’ll take the pain as long as I can enjoy the occasional happy tears.
Maybe February 10 wasn’t “the first day of the rest of my life,” and perhaps February 12 wasn’t “the day that everything changed.”
But February 18? I’m starting to feel kinda good about February 18.
Ladies and gentlemen, Jessie Spano. So today’s the big day. In just a few hours, I’ll be at the doctor’s office, getting what is either a drug that may heal me and give me the relief I’ve waited for for […]
This post was going to be so happy and so positive, you don’t even know. And you never will. But sit tight, because you’re going to get that whole story. Lest you think things are all dark and scary in […]
Let me take you back in time to a week and a half ago. The weekend had not been awesome. I’d attempted a yoga class Saturday morning, and I had to leave the room twice to use the bathroom. It […]
First I wrote the “Lessons I Learned in 2013″ post. I’d been taking notes throughout the year, so drafting this bad boy was a breeze. But the lessons were predictable (People love to be offended! A good couch is a […]
It’s been a while! The excuse-truth for being anti-blogging: I’m Crohnsing pretty hard. I know I know I know I know. It’s the never-ending shitstorm, and that’s not even supposed to be a pun. Though the puns are practically unavoidable […]
Posted in Biking, Crohn's disease, Family, Holidays, NYC, NYC Marathon, Running, Travel, Winter Things Like Snow, Yoga and tagged Biking, Christmas, CitiBike, Contoocook, Crohn's Disease, Holidays, Lyons Den Power Yoga, New Hampshire, New Year's Resolutions, New York City, New York City Ballet, New York City Marathon, Radio City Christmas Spectacular, Running, The Nutcracker, Travel, Yoga-
I feel so much better. Sometimes people say things like “Writing is therapeutic.” And while what I do here is surely no substitute for seeing a licensed professional who can hear me out and tell me what’s up, writing that […]
For the past few weeks — months, maybe? — I’ve had this feeling I just can’t shake. It’s new to me and it’s weird, and I’m hoping writing it out might help. Let’s see where this ends up… I feel […]
I spent the week leading up to the New York City Marathon thinking about many of my “worst case scenarios” for race day. Ignore the fact that I hadn’t totally “properly trained” by most peoples’ standards — I did enough […]
In the days leading up to last year’s New York City Marathon [that wasn’t], I spent a lot of time thinking about each mile of the race. While I don’t know every step of the 26.2 mile route by heart, […]