40 Days To Personal Revolution: Week 4

Date: March 17, 2015 at 11:16 am- by Ali- Comment(s): 19

“If you make it a big deal, it’s a big deal.”

Hi! I’m participating in a 40 Days to Personal Revolution program at Lyons Den Power Yoga. If you’re new around these parts, welcome! Here’s my introduction to the 40 Days challenge, plus my recaps from Week 1, Week 2, and Week 3.

They say “there’s beauty in the breakdown,” and by “they” I of course mean that singer named Frou Frou who sings that song…”Beauty in the Breakdown.” [Edited to add that it is actually called “Let Go.” My bad.]

In yoga — and in life — we’re often reminded that sometimes breakdowns have to happen to allow for breakthroughs. I believe it.

This past week — which in the 40 Days program was our “Restoration” week — was my breakdown week. (Sorry that I said “week” three times in one sentence.) And by the end of the week, I felt so much better.

Post-breakdown, with my spirit animal. I found this hot pink giraffe in a store window on 5th Avenue. Brian refused to steal it for me because he's the worst fiancé ever.

Post-breakdown, with my spirit animal. I found this hot pink giraffe in a store window on 5th Avenue. Brian refused to steal it for me because he’s the worst fiancé ever.

On Tuesday evenings, I take class from 7:15–8:30, and then we have our weekly 40 Days meeting from 8:30 until whenever we’re done. It’s supposed to be an hour, but it’s usually longer, and then it takes me 19 hours to get home (roughly). It’s a late night by my standards.

Wednesday mornings are usually for either 7 AM yoga or 6:28 AM November Project. So needless to say, the Tuesday-to-Wednesday transition/lack of sleep period stresses me out. And last Tuesday night, after the meeting, and after the expensive cab ride home (whatever), I had my breakdown.

I just couldn’t fathom getting up the next morning. Not to do yoga, not to go to November Project, not to do anything. I wanted to sleep forever. I was exhausted, I was stressed about everything apparently, and I needed my break. I shed more than a few tears to Brian and as soon as I heard myself say something about “needing to do it all,” I knew I was being more than a little ridiculous and maaaaaaybe a touch dramatic.

So despite the fact that it was my first week of Brooklyn Half Marathon training and I had my first speed workout on the docket, I gave myself an extra three hours of snooze time Wednesday morning. I didn’t go to yoga. I didn’t go to November Project. And I didn’t do my speed workout. I didn’t run at all. I gave myself a total day off from anything physical because it was so clear I needed it. I took a long shower and actually blow-dried my hair for once. The luxury! (I wrote about it a bit more in my latest Shape column.)

"What to do when you're so tired and can't express your thoughts coherently so you just cry like a horrible child."

“What to do when you’re so tired and can’t express your thoughts coherently so you just cry like a horrible child.”

It’s not like me to abandon my plans, but through a few years of running and a few intense weeks of yoga, I’m learning to listen to my mind and my body a little bit more. My various “plans” said to do all kinds of physical activity that day, but my mind and body needed the break.

I skipped more than one of my scheduled runs last week. And, go figure, I feel pretty great going into this week. Last night I had so much energy that I decided to perform all the dance routines from High School Musical, High School Musical 3: Senior Year, and Pitch Perfect in the living room. Full out. (Do you want to come dance with me next time? It’s so fun, and Brian doesn’t mind.)

Next time we will do "Hoedown Throwdown" from "The Hannah Montana Movie." Another classic with a very catchy and learnable dance!

Next time we will do “Hoedown Throwdown” from “The Hannah Montana Movie.” Another classic with a very catchy and learnable dance! Also, whenever I am home, I wear my socks only on my toes. Anyone else? It just happens that way.

I took the theme of the week pretty seriously, and tried to be really mindful of using the week to truly restore my mind and body. How many times in this post can I say “mind and body?” Probably a lot. Here’s how the rest of my “Restoration” week played out.

Daily Yoga Practice

This is still my favorite part of the 40 Days program. While the trek to TriBeCa is taking its toll (and taking up a lot of my time), I love being there. I’ve met so many new people through this program, and love that I always know at least five people in any given class. Last week included the usual mix of four 60-minute classes, a 75-minute class, and a 90-minute class.

Post-yoga with my friends Christine and Rachel. My drishti is always bad when I take class with them because I giggle so much.

Post-yoga with my friends Christine and Rachel. My drishti is always bad when I take class with them because I giggle so much. (WE MISSED YOU, ANNE.)

My big physical goal for the challenge was to drop my fear about kicking up into handstand (it just seems way too easy to kick too hard, flip over, and snap your neck, right?), and I’m conquering that nicely, one hop at a time. It’s exciting to be getting stronger in the studio. There are so many poses that used to be wobble-fests for me, like Prayer Twist in Crescent Lunge (definitely the official name of that pose) and Half-Moon, but now I pop into them worry- and wobble-free most days.

Conclusion to this section: I love yoga. Still.

Well, this is a running photo and not a yoga photo, but it shows joy and enthusiasm, so I thought it fit well here.

Well, this is a running photo and not a yoga photo, but it shows joy and enthusiasm, so I thought it fit well here.

Second conclusion to this section: When I was little and we would go on family vacations, I would always be such a brat and make my mom “rate my handstands” in the pool. They were so bad, I’m sure, but I demanded she watch me obsessively instead of reading her latest Mary Higgins Clark novel (fun fact: Mary Higgins Clark spoke at my college graduation; I don’t remember what she said because I was nursing the second-worst hangover of my life).

You’d think I would have grown out of my childhood “Rate my Handstand” phase, but it seems I have not. Because every night when Brian comes home, I ask him about his day, and then ask him to “spot me” while I practice my handstand for 20 minutes. I’m sure he loves it and would rather get kicked in the face repeatedly (sorry) than sit down and eat his dinner.

Daily Meditation

Um…if we’re being honest here, my meditation practice has fallen into the “no bueno” category. I just haven’t been prioritizing it. Though, thank you to those of you who gave me some great suggestions last week about how to improve my meditation and approach it from a different perspective.

Instead of forcing myself to do 25 minutes of meditation (which is what we’re up to this week — yowza!), I decided, “I will just meditate. I’ll start, and when I’m done, I will be done.” That worked really well for me last week, and most days I ended up doing around 10 minutes at a time! Not the 20 we were “supposed” to do, but I figured 10 great minutes of meditation was better than 20 minutes of fidgety, half-assed meditating.

Balancing Diet

That is a chocolate cupcake with peanut butter filling. It's no joke, and you can get your own (because I'm not sharing) at Two Little Red Hens on 86th and 2nd. Bring me one, too! #balancingdiet

That is a chocolate cupcake with peanut butter filling. It’s no joke, and you can get your own (because I’m not sharing) at Two Little Red Hens on 86th and 2nd. Bring me one, too! #balancingdiet

Week 4 included a fruit cleanse. My thoughts on this are, unsurprisingly I’m sure, not awesome. I don’t really believe in cleanses. I don’t believe our bodies need to be “cleansed” for the most part, and I know that I personally don’t do well when I cut out entire food groups or items because it just makes me want them more. And then, after the cleanse, I end up eating way worse than I was before because I deprived myself of certain foods. I just don’t see any science- or nutritionist-approved reason to only eat fruit. It seems like a random thing that Baron Baptiste did once and enjoyed.

Zucchini noodle "zoodles" are crap. Give me gluten or give me death.

Zucchini noodle “zoodles” are crap. Give me gluten or give me death.

But I gave it a shot, thinking if my body seriously rejected it or if I were totally miserable, then I could stop. I wasn’t being forced into it, and lots of people chose to modify or supplement the “cleanse” or “feast” or “fast” (call it whatever) with protein. And hey, maybe I would get something out of it!

Curried coconut squash. Thank you, Whole Foods hot bar.

Curried coconut squash. Thank you, Whole Foods hot bar.

My three day experience went mostly drama free. “If you create drama around it, there will be drama around it,” Bethany, ever the wise one, told us. And that really resonated with me. I decided to approach it mindfully and without panic, and I had a drama-free experience.

LOOK AT ALL THESE SAD PICTURES OF MY FOOD! This was actually a really tasty snack, though. Why don't I do this one more?

LOOK AT ALL THESE SAD PICTURES OF MY FOOD! This was actually a really tasty snack, though. Why don’t I do this one more?

I definitely didn’t eat enough during my first day, and my second day was that Wednesday I took as a rest day, which worked out well. I made spaghetti squash that day, and I just can’t bring myself to love spaghetti squash the way some people obsess over it.

By the third day, I was just sort of over it. My friend suggested I try plantain chips and guacamole as a snack, and that was amazing. My other favorite snacks were the I Love Watermelon smoothie from Juice Generation, raw green peppers, and a sliced beefsteak tomato with salt and pepper.

This smoothie is so good, and afterward I always have lots of little seeds in my teeth. Delicious AND beautiful!

This smoothie is so good, and afterward I always have lots of little seeds in my teeth. Delicious AND beautiful!

We were advised to “ease off the fruit cleanse,” and I ignored that advice completely by having our first wedding tasting the following day and eating about 12 different kinds sliders and some delicious curried shrimps (I like saying “shrimps” even though it’s not right) and a pizza later that night, because that was necessary.

I think we should have three different kinds of sliders at the wedding. Brian thinks "two is plenty." We disagree on ALL THE IMPORTANT THINGS.

I think we should have three different kinds of sliders at the wedding. Brian thinks “two is plenty.” We disagree on ALL THE IMPORTANT THINGS.

So that was the fruit cleanse. Some people liked it, others hated it. I was mostly indifferent toward it. It helped me be more aware of the fact that I eat way too much food and can definitely by satisfied by eating much less. But…then I ordered a whole pizza after doing a full wedding menu tasting. So…case closed. #science

Journaling

I journaled the heck out of this week. As nice as it is having this blog to record more general feelings and statements, I loved getting into the nittier, grittier, way more personal stuff in my private little journal. This week I got into some pretty heavy stuff about my relationship with my body and how I treat it and talk to it, and about the kind of person I want to be in general. Soul searching. SoulCycle.

Seen on my run. Isn't she lovely?

Seen on my run. Isn’t she lovely?

A few Excavation Questions I really enjoyed this week:

  • Where in your life do you need to just relax with what is? (i.e. Stop trying to fix everything, Alison!)
  • What excess baggage am I carrying around with me? What thoughts, feelings, worries, or past situations am I clinging to that drain me?
  • What do I most need to let go of? (Baron Baptiste, ending those sentences with prepositions again! Shame.)

Weekly Reading

Check!

Empowerment

Totally.

Look at how empowered I'm being!!!

Look at how empowered I’m being!!!

Our cable box died the other day. It was sad, but luckily we have Apple TV so I could speed through the entire season of “Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt.” (Brian and I now spontaneously scream “Pinoooooot Noiiiiiir!” or “They alive, damnit!” at each other all night, every night — you can relate, yes?) But eventually I was like, “I have to suck it up and deal with this.”

I had to do one of the worst, most stressful and horrible To-Do List tasks imaginable: I had to pick up the phone and call Time Warner Cable.

I actually found a loophole, and was able to get the issue partially resolved via TWC’s Live Chat system. That’s better than getting transferred around after sitting on hold for 2.6 hours. I used to get so worked up in these situations. But yesterday? Calm as a clam. If clams are calm.

The Time Warner chat representative called me "polite." THAT HAS NEVER HAPPENED.

The Time Warner chat representative called me “polite and patient.” THAT HAS NEVER HAPPENED. I’m framing this.

I’ve really taken the “equanimity” theme from the previous week and applied it to all areas of my life. I find myself handling both personal and professional situations with far more grace, tact, and patience than I ever used to.

I’m also learning to let myself “fail” more. Sometimes “failing” means falling over in a yoga pose; other times it means taking a big life risk and not having it work out the way you hoped. I’ve experienced both a lot lately, and I come out on the other side stronger and more aware.

So much joy at the NYC Half this past weekend. Runners, I love you so much.

So much joy at the NYC Half this past weekend. Runners, I love you so much.

With that, something to take with you this week (if you’ve made it this far, which…thank you and congratulations): “We learn the most when we fail.” Bethany said that at last week’s meeting and it really stuck with me.

Try it on. Take that risk. See what happens.

19 Responses to "40 Days To Personal Revolution: Week 4"

you are quoting the greys anatomy theme song “beauty in the breakdown” and i DIG IT

<3 <3 <3 Denny 4ever <3 <3 <3

break my heart a thousand times!!

isnt the frou frou song “let go”?? regardless, loving it, and it will totally be stuck in my head at least until i remember the kimmy schmidt theme song and then it will just be ‘they alive dammit! its a miracle!’ and ‘females are strong as hell’

jealous of your pizza and wedding tasting.

also are those hokas i spy in the last photo??

1. YES, you’re right, it’s totally called “Let Go.”
2. YES, those are Hokas! I just may be a convert…going to write about them a bit in my next post I think. Just started running in them and I’m really digging them so far.

We’ve never met, but it made me so happy when I ran by and saw you cheering at the NYC half this weekend! I was probably the weirdo shooting you strange looks.

I saw you too! We have also never met and I was basically past you by the time I registered where I knew you from, but I was excited! I told my fiancé about it after the race!

Abbe Baker fka Abbe Lew says: March 17, 2015 at 5:38 pm

…..Stephy? Seriously?

Ha. I had that same thought…

I am SO impressed you made it through the cable conversation. I always yell at the computer and calmly type. Only my poor family suffers, and laughs.

I’m not even going through this with you and I feel like I need a little therapy. I’m very impressed with how it’s going and nice job on figuring out how to do meditation for you.

And wow…you really are type “A”

I wish we lived closer to one another because the Hoedown Throwdown is one of my favorites. My dance skills are very under appreciated in residency.

I needed you Monday night, Meggie. I was High School Musical-ing alone, and would have loved the company.

I didn’t notice the Hokas until someone mentioned them but CLIFTONS ARE AMAZING and I think you have the colour scheme that I’m getting next. I’m on coral/yellow at the moment.

Also, I love that quote about failing at the end of the post. I’m retraining as a preschool teacher at the moment and last week I read something like how it’s okay to make mistakes because this is how we learn. So yes! (Although if I make too many mistakes on my midterm exams this week, I will not be happy).

YES, loving the Cliftons! Show twinsies!!

I get you…it’s so hard for me to “let myself fail” too.

Def watched all of Kimmy Schmidt in approx 3 days. Pretty sure I’m never getting those brain cells back. And I’m pretty sure I missed my calling to be a comedic actress.

I’m glad you got to take a break and get some much needed rest. It always feels so awesome and kicks up the energy when you get back to it.
I had to giggle about rating the head stands as a kid. My kids do that all summer long in our pool. It’s tough being the judge!! (when I’d rather be reading a magazine sometimes!)

You are inspiring me to meditate, your program looks really awesome I am super envious that you get to be a part of it! Even though y’all East Coasters stole our Alaskan winter we are now having some lovely ice which is preventing me from getting out there and running, the trails are seriously skatable, but I am excited to get moving again, come on Spring!!!