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The Resolutions I Should Have Made But Didn’t Because They’re Too Difficult
Yes, I’m still talking about New Year’s Resolutions. I’d rather talk about that than the weather. Did you hear? It’s cold out today. Weird, since it’s winter and stuff…
I still ran this morning, despite the brisk wind I could hear plowing into the windows all night. I went to Central Park for five slow-moving miles with an unhappy stomach and a frozen face.
The alarm went off at 5 am. I don’t remember that. It went off again at 5:15. Don’t remember that either. Eventually Brian was like, “Time to get up. Do you want to run?”
I then remember whimpering a little bit, and then putting on a huge, cozy sweatshirt that I took right off Brian’s back (Girlfriend of the Year right here), and then thinking that the bed was so much warmer than the 13 degree temperatures — 5 degrees with wind chill — outside.
But Brian wanted to run, and I wasn’t going to let him break a morning sweat without me. So I layered up and we headed out.
I tried to act excited about it, too.
Thank you, Hamptons Marathon for the sweet fleece hat. It seemed ridiculous at the time — giving away a fleece hat at a summer marathon? — but today I was quite grateful for it. My head stayed nice and toasty.
Now, let’s discuss the title of this post: The Resolutions I Should Have Made But Didn’t Because They’re Too Hard.
My resolutions this year are all things that are challenging, but attainable. Shaving 14 minutes off my marathon PR will be difficult, but I’m confident that if I put the miles and determination toward that goal, it’ll happen. That’s just an example.
There are other goals that I know I should make. I don’t, though. Why set myself up for failure? These are things that would make me a better human, but I’m not really willing to put in the effort in order to make them happen.
Yes, I am willing to run outside in the bitter cold, but I’m not willing to limit my chocolate intake.
Here are the other resolutions I will not be making this year:
- Do planks regularly. I would love to spend time daily doing regular and side planks, especially since one of my New Year’s Resolutions is to hold a 5-minute plank. If I have time at the gym at night I’ll usually do a plank or two, but I don’t really enjoy this exercise, even though I recognize its benefits (um, flat abs, apparently). I just know this won’t happen. So when it comes time to attempt that 5-minute beast, I’ll just give it a go and see what happens. I believe that’s called “winging it” or “being stupid.”
- Stretch after every run. I run in the mornings, so by the time I’m done I have to rush to get in the shower and back out the door to make it to work on time. There’s never time for stretching. That means my entire body is always way too tight. I know that stretching is so good for me, and I know it’s important, but I just never do it, except at the end of spin class when we do those cool-down stretches. I like those.
- Foam roll daily. I love foam rolling. I don’t make enough time for it. I probably foam roll three times a week, but I know I should make it a more regular habit. Maybe I’ll work on this one. Maybe.
- Stop spending money on workout clothes I don’t need. It’s gross how much exercise attire I’ve accumulated over the past few years. I love workout clothes. I love them more than regular clothes and just as much as sweatpants and pajamas. I realize that I definitely don’t need one more tank top or pair of short shorts (Lies! I always need more short shorts!) but I can’t resist buying the brightest colors I see in the gorgeous window displays every season. Someone stop me. I actually can’t afford this habit…
- Stop watching those damn Kardashians. I don’t know when I started watching this show, and I always feel really dumb when it comes on and I don’t change the channel. Watching the show is very much like watching a slow motion train wreck, especially considering how slowly those women talk. It’s like pulling one word at a time out of their mouths when they do their little chats to the camera. It pains me to spend time watching these wretched people when I could be doing more productive things. You know, like volunteering. Or stretching. Or foam rolling. Or buying more workout clothes.
- Keep track of my spending habits. I did this for a few months once and then I stopped because it was too much work. Yes, Ali, it’s too much work if you’re swiping your debit card all over Manhattan. But I needed those chocolate covered almonds at Duane Reade, right? They were important to my well-being.
- Limit dessert to once per day. This will never happen, because I crave chocolate after every single meal. Breakfast included. Actually, chocolate is an integral part of my breakfast. Thank you, Entenmann’s, for being so nutritious.
- Be nicer to people on public transportation. I tried this one year. It didn’t last. If you refuse to move into the subway car while people are plowing through the doors, you deserve my yelling and dirty looks. (My mom thinks I’m going to “get myself killed one of these days,” but I think she’s just being dramatic.)
- Don’t listen to my music so loudly. I am not doing my eardrums any favors when I’m blasting my boy Pitbull and making myself deaf to the outside world. But I like loud music. It energizes me. And then I don’t have to listen to all the people coughing and snorting and sneezing on the subway.
- Stop taking cabs. I wish I could resolve to do this. I hate spending money on cabs, but I also hate walking all the way to the subway at night when it’s really cold and I want to go to bed. I’m pretty good about not taking cabs during the week, but on the weekends I tend to indulge too much.
I think that’s all for now.
DO YOU HAVE ANY RESOLUTIONS TO ADD? What are you not bothering to do this year?