Gratitude

Date: April 6, 2011 at 8:09 am- by Ali- Comment(s): 27

I am completely blown away by all of the amazing comments, emails, messages and Tweets I received yesterday in response to my post about the breakup/moving situation. I feel incredibly lucky and blessed to have so many people in my life who care about me — and I’m even more humbled by the fact that I’ve never met most of you in person, but that I know you’ve got my back.

The blog community is such a unique one. I am so grateful and appreciative to be a part of it.

It was interesting how many people responded saying that the post must have been a difficult one for me to write. Yes, it was tough deciding how much to share and how much to keep private, but other than that writing about what happened was very therapeutic for me. Aside from emails back and forth with ABS and phone calls with friends and family members, yesterday was the first time I really sat down and wrote out the events from the beginning.

My heart broke all over again yesterday as your responses came pouring in and many of you shared similar stories of heartbreak. I’m sending virtual hugs to everyone out there, and I loved that so many of you had positive, happy outcomes accompanying your stories. I look forward to responding — I just have to get Internet set up at home!

My situation with ABS has been far from easy. Yes, I’m settling into my new apartment and ready to “start over,” in some sense, but it still hurts, which is to be expected.

Last night — after a particularly grueling spin class filled with high intensity intervals, ouch — I went by “our” old apartment, where ABS is still living, to return my set of keys. It was weird being there, and even weirder being there and knowing it was the last time I’d ever be there. I thought handing over the keys would give me a sense of relief and a feeling of closure, but it didn’t. Instead it started to sink in that as I move forward, I’m doing it without the person who was my best friend for the past year and a half.

There will be good days and bad days. I’m feeling a little sad today, but I’m still convinced it’s going to be a good day! The sun is shining, and I have a day filled with Broadway shows ahead of me, so let’s get down to business…

I didn’t share yesterday’s outfit (sorry, had other things to talk about), but I actually liked it, so in case you were so curious what I was wearing, here you go:

Confession: I took off the belt and untucked the shirt halfway through the day. It kept coming untucked, so I eventually just gave up.

I also received many messages yesterday from people wondering where I had moved to, and if I’ll still be providing sunrise photos.

You bet I will!

I still live in the same neighborhood, actually, so my morning running route will be very similar to what I was doing before. I’ll start and end at a different point, of course, but the roads will be the same.

Today, I opted for Central Park over the East River path, band I got some great shots.

I ran 6.2 miles, part of which was done on the main running road in the park, and some of which was done running around the Reservoir, which was absolutely stunning today.

My apartment is still a straight shot to Central Park, though now the run there is entirely uphill. And the hill is a bit of a beast. I debated ways I could avoid it, since starting a run on an incline is pretty tough, but finally decided to just go for it. What goes up gets to come back down on the return trip! Needless to say my legs warmed up pretty quickly.

Getting dressed this morning was a challenge since my clothes aren’t totally unpacked yet. But I did manage to throw something together that’s nice and bright, just like the day:

Alright, time to get to work.

Thank you again for your kindness. I feel very loved.

SOMETHING I WANT TO KNOW: Since a ton of you responded that you’ve been through bad breakups, I want to know how you moved on. What things helped you get past what happened? Writing about it? Getting your feelings out with sweat? Kissing new boys? Heavy drinking and ice cream? (Which, by the way, is totally fine by me — I’ve been to more bars and gone to 16 Handles more times in the past month than ever before)

27 Responses to "Gratitude"

Love yesterday’s outfit!

I realized that where you are, at the top part of the running path, has many more people and that’s why it is safer. Down by me it is much more empty. Sigh.

I love your outfit from yesterday, that skirt is adorable!

Well, I think you read my blog post, so I think you know that I didn’t really move on to well. However, in the time that we were broken up I went out as much as possible. (I guess i didn’t write to much about that). I went out pretty much every night of the week, whether it was to a bar, or to a friends house. The bar options were limited where I lived so we hung out at this skeevy bar a lot. Good times! I did hang out with 2 different guys. One new guy, and one guy I’ve known most of my life. All this was before I was a runner, so I didn’t sweat anything out. Well, I did join a gym, but I rarely went. so lame. I also downloaded a ton of sappy songs and guy bashing songs, heh.

I listened to this song on repeat more times than I can count. It was an hour drive to my job …that’s a lot of times on repeat. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v53mzti_Y8M “There’s more to me than you” by Jessica Andrews

It must be incredible living in NYC, your recent misfortune gives you the opportunity to live it up! run and spin more 🙂 You look hot the skirt… Love the pics, love the posts!

cheers

I think everyone moves on in different ways.. For me friends and family where a big help.. When I was ready I joined match.com NOT to find someone but to just get out and start dating again.. It took me about 3-4 months to get to that point though.. I also started practicing yoga more and that helped a lot. If you ever want to go out or go shopping or just grab a drink after work let me know beacuse I am always down 🙂

I am definitely on team all of the above. My philosophy on surviving breakups is to stay as busy as humanly possible. I make more social plans than I once thought possible. Lots of vodka and wine, running, good food, making out and crushing on rando hot strangers is involved. I’m also a notorious drunk texter-that is something that I do NOT recommend.

The common cure for drunk texting: When you feel a buzz coming on, give your phone to your friend so you don’t even have it on you.

Then, when your friend goes to the bathroom, take the phone back and text away.

I’m so good at giving advice.

What helped me get through it: writing actually. Back then I had a journal so I wrote down how I was feeling. Also allowing myself to cry. And eventually going on several dates even if I wasnt feeling it. Getting your confidence back is key. You know you’re a catch so get out there! Oh and not communicating at all. If he emails you…you can email him back but never hit send. Every time you communicate you have to.start all over again. Trust me on that one. Being friends with an ex who broke your heart is nearly impossible!

My sister went through a really, REALLY hard breakup (it was actually a divorce) and for her, what was the most therapeutic (other than lots of sister time!) was writing it out. She started a blog that basically chronicled her life, post-divorce and now she’s got an entirely new blog that’s about her life now that she no longer defines herself by her divorce. She’s come a LONG way in the past two or so years and I totally think the blog was a major factor in that. It helped her to work some issues out in her mind ‘on paper’ and she connected with some amazing blog friends along the way that gave her great perspective. So, maybe blogging it out here will help you too. It’s a long road, but it’ll all feel so worth it in the end. Hang in there!

Time.

And writing songs. I wrote some songs about him, about how I loved him, about how I hated him, about how hurt I was. I wrote some songs about how excited I was, about how relieved I was, about how empowered I was. The writing helped. It was a great distraction.

But what really healed me was time.

Have you read that book “It’s Called a Breakup Because It’s Broken”? It’s by the same people that wrote “He’s Just Not Into You”. I read it when I was going through a bad breakup and took their advice-no contact with your ex for 60 days. No emails, texts, tweeting, talking etc. It was tough for me-I was so used to telling him everything but I stayed firm and focused on myself and doing things I enjoyed. I think it takes about 2 months to reestablish your life as YOUR life and not OUR life. I felt much better 60 days later and met my husband to be about 3 months later 🙂 I love your blog! You seem like a great girl with a good head on her shoulders-you will be fine!

Cute clothes! Especially yesterday’s skirt. Looking good and fab clothes can always help make you feel a little better on rough days. As far as how to get passed it – I’m a big advocate of all of the above! Keep busy with things that make you happy! And try new things – go to new places, take a new class. I feel like although another change is probably the last thing people think about during a rough time, shaking up the routine is fresh and invigorating. Stay strong girl!

First, thank you for sharing your story with us readers. I love reading your blog and the way you put yourself out there is why. Second, I adore both your outfits especially your skirt. And third, I too, have had similar experiences in my past. The week before my college graduation, I was completely blind-sided by my then boyfriend of two plus years. I handled it by first letting myself mourn as much as I had too (it really is a mourning process, isn’t it?). I made sure not to talk to the person much, because that’s what I needed to do for myself to heal. I also was lucky enough to be moving and starting law school a few months after we broke up. For me, that life change was enough to push me over feeling sad. I would suggest finding some new things in life to be excited about and devote your attention towards. New things – things that you weren’t doing when you were with ABS – won’t have any bad memories and they will also be totally engrossing. Maybe a new exercise goal? Also, I personally believe that it’s important to take sometime between dating one person and the next. Some people find it better to date right away, I personally need to take time to heal and get back to loving me so that I can love someone else. To end my personal story, I ended up falling in love around a year after my breakup with my current boyfriend who I fit with more than I could with anyone else. So maybe all things do happen for a reason, or most. This is just my personal advice … hope it helps.

I’ve never had a bad breakup (due to the lack of relationships I have had in my life), but I have had my hopes given up many times when it comes to boys. It depends on the situation. If it was a boy that I really liked, the best way for me to cope was to go for a run or the gym. Also, I will admit a drink or two and hanging out with a new boy does help (erm…maybe cover up?) the situation too. Hopefully that doesn’t make me sound like a tramp!

Haha you’re not a tramp at all. You’re a lady 😉

Breakups are SO hard. Some things that helped me included going out to bars with girlfriends … just remember not to text/call your ex on your way home (harder said than done), getting involved in the community – clubs/volunteering/ect where you can meet new people and kissing new boys never hurts 🙂

I went through an AWFUL breakup from a 5 year relationship about a year ago. I still have sad days but way less than before … time does heal the heart

i was going to take bodyart, just for old times sake and because i am also still sore. but i will spin, in hopes of sitting on bike 10 next to your bike 9. i might try to do trx first…

you should NOT kiss random/numerous boys – that is not a good way to move on!!! just takes time……

Haha. Ladies and gentlemen readers, meet my brother, Ryan. He does not want me kissing boys. Fair enough.

I love your outfit today!

I definitely went to the bars with my co-workers/college friends post-breakup, went home and cried on my mom’s shoulder for a solid weekend, re-decorated my (teeny 300 some square foot) apartment, and kissed new boys! It was fun to go out with the girls, wear cute outfits, and then go home and eat Haagen Daaz in my PJs! I also had a good guy friend from college who came over and ate my (at the time) terrible cooking and watched the Notebook in my teeny apartment 🙂

Just take good care of yourself and do things that sound fun to you!!

I love that you look so adorable and happy in your pictures everyday! Hope you keep smiling like that all day 🙂
During my really difficult breakup, I started a Gratitude Journal. Every night I made myself write down 3 things I was genuinely thankful for that day. It might sound overly simple or silly, but doing that before bed really helped me remember that I still had reasons to be happy, and also kept me from going to bed crying (sometimes). Night time was the hardest part for me. During the day I could keep busy, run, go to class, be involved in the million and 1 things I was doing, but at night it would really hit me, and although calling my friends and family sometimes helped, a lot of times I didn’t want to (or didn’t know how to) talk about it, so I wrote in my gratitude journal instead. Some days, when I was really down and just wanted to feel sorry for myself (not my proudest moments), it took me a long time to think of 3 things I was thankful for in that moment. But I was patient and just sat with myself until I could think of 3.
I know you will make it through each of those tough days, Ali! Please don’t hesitate to email if you need anything 🙂

Definitely all of the above, especially staying out so late that you show up to work hungover in some variation of the outfit you wore yesterday. It helps to have a closet full of clothes in your office for occasions like these. Instead of focusing on the breakup, I focused instead on how much freedom and time I had. It’s amazing how freeing making decisions based on you and you alone can be, even if it’s only for a short time!

So sorry to hear about your break-up. I have been through two live-in boyfriend break-ups, so I definitely know how hard they can be. I think the good thing about living with someone is that it really helps you figure out if you can be with that person forever or not in a different way than just dating does, but it definitely makes for a messier situation when if it ends. My advice is to stay busy with friends, running, and all the things you are into. I think that and time are really all that it will take. Hang in there!!

Great early am pics of NYC. IMO best time of the day here, things are actually quite and still. Wish I could get my lazy ass out of bed early enough to see it every day.

There was definitely lots of drinking, and some making out with random boys. Lots of going out, not staying at home. Oh, and a rebound boyfriend after a few months…. Lol

See’s chocolate truffles, a good run and friends were my go to way to get over a break-up. Oh and lots of tequila :).

necessary breakup formula: running, yoga, chocolate, flirting with guys.