A New Beginning

Date: April 5, 2011 at 8:34 am- by Ali- Comment(s): 85

I promised you this post was coming.

There have been some big life changes that have been going on over the past month and a half. I’ll warn you that this post might get a bit long, so if you don’t want to stick around, here’s the short version: ABS and I broke up, and I have moved out of our apartment and into a place of my own.

Still reading?

I won’t go into too much detail about the reasons for the breakup. That’s personal, and though I’m more than willing to divulge things on the blog ranging from outfit choices to bathroom issues, I’ll keep this one a bit more private.

If you recall, when I started blogging back in October, my life was right where I wanted it to be. I was running a lot, fall had arrived in NYC (my favorite season) and I was in a blissful relationship with the man I definitely thought I was going to spend the rest of my life with.

My lease was about to expire on my apartment, so ABS and I decided to take our relationship to the next step: We decided to move in together.

Since he had a big, two-level apartment, it made sense for me to move into his place and his current roommate would move out. So on October 30, 2010, we packed up all my crap and became roommates.

I was so excited, and soon his place became our place.

Just a few days after I moved in, we spent a long weekend in Mexico for a friend’s wedding.

The trip was a blast, and the best part was that we got to return home to the same apartment.

As weeks went by, we adjusted to living together. I’m a total neat freak — he’s totally…not. Sure we had little arguments about living arrangements — like I really couldn’t comprehend why it’s so difficult to put things away instead of on the floor — but they always passed, and overall I was still incredibly happy.

In December, we decided that the apartment was set up enough for us to throw a housewarming party.

The night was perfect. I was happier than ever.

Then the winter holidays came. We went to parties…

…and spent time with my family in New Hampshire. We rang in 2011 with drinks and a New Year’s Eve kiss, surrounded by close friends.

The new year started and we both found ourselves busier than ever. We were living together, but didn’t see each other too much due to long work hours and other commitments. Work was his priority and logging tons of miles in preparation for the National Half Marathon became my focus.

Fast forward to February…

On the Sunday morning after ABS’s birthday party, I was shocked when he said we needed to talk. Then, sitting on the kitchen floor, he said he wanted to break up.

I was blindsided. I was confused. I was devastated.

I honestly didn’t get it. I didn’t understand why we would break up. Weren’t we supposed to be together forever, and shouldn’t we talk and work things out instead of jumping right to a breakup?

To say I couldn’t grasp the situation is an understatement. I spent the rest of that day in bed. I attempted to go for a run to clear my head, and ended up throwing up on the East River path because I was so emotional. I called in sick to work the next day — Valentine’s Day — because I literally couldn’t stop crying.

Part of me hated myself for being such an emotional wreck, but the bigger part of me was heartbroken and shocked.

There were the little uncertainties I faced — Where was I going to live? — and the bigger questions at hand, like how had I been so happy when he, well, hadn’t?

I could barely sleep at night and lost my appetite completely. Breakups are hard enough. Breakups when you’re living under the same roof, sharing a bed, are even harder.

I wanted to work things out, and every morning I would wake up from a rough night of tossing and turning, hoping it had all been a bad dream.

He didn’t want to work things out.

I started going through the motions of everyday life, trying to return to normalcy despite my misery. I ran. A lot. Some days it helped, some days I would just stop mid-run and cry.

I was sad. I was confused. I was angry. I was really, really scared.

In the midst of everything, I didn’t understand how I could go on with my life. I thought that the worst thing possible had happened and I was so hurt that the man I loved so much no longer loved me back. I thought my life was over.

Now I realize, my life wasn’t over. It’s just getting a new start.

I cried for two weeks straight. I cried in the bathrooms at my office (embarrassing) and I cried in the snack aisle at the Duane Reade downstairs. Eventually, though, I stopped crying. I stopped listening to sad songs, and I stopped beating myself up, telling myself it was “my fault.” I blamed myself for so much.

Then I made this the background on my phone:

True.

The hardest part was living under the same roof. Everyone kept asking if we were sleeping in the same bed, and for a while we were, though we managed to be as far apart as possible in that double bed. Part of me hoped that we’d find each other in the middle of the night, wake up cuddling and everything would magically be fine again.

As I started apartment hunting — which is a total nightmare in NYC — my stress levels were off the charts. But I had my friends and family, and that made all the difference in the world.

My friends and family were all shocked when I told them ABS and I had broken up. But they all showered me with so much love. I was blown away. People came out of the woodwork to help me find an apartment and go on with my life. It was a major confidence boost and it was incredibly comforting. Friends took me out for drinks, sent me gifts and provided the kind of support I didn’t even know I needed.

People offered to help, and though my initial stubbornness refused, wanting to prove my independence, I eventually gave in, and I’m so glad I did. While I blamed myself for everything and convinced myself I was worthless (sad, I know), they told me otherwise. One day, I started to believe them.

Now, a full month and a half after that first conversation with ABS, I have moved out of the apartment and into a place of my own.

Bright and early Saturday morning, this truck arrived…

While ABS was out of town for a bachelor party, three strange men and I got all my stuff from one place to a new place.

Again, I have a lot of crap.

I spent the weekend unpacking. Friends came by to see the place and to help me get settled, and my parents are coming to town this weekend to basically fix all the awful wiring and unpacking I’ve already done.

The past month and a half has taken a major toll on my sanity. But I’m OK now. ABS and I are still talking, and I don’t know what the future holds for either of us. Yes, he broke up with me, but I know he’s a good person and I know we’ll both be fine no matter what happens in our lives.

I’m already in love with my apartment and can’t wait to make it more homey. I’m going to cook more (seriously), especially since I don’t have a microwave right now. It’s going to be good for me.

I know I’ll be OK.

And there’s the update I promised you. Feels good to get that off my chest.

85 Responses to "A New Beginning"

I know it is cliche, but things do happen for a reason. I love how you have such a positive attitude and outlook for the future. You are amazing!

Ali I love you.

First — you look GORGEOUS in the white dress with the tan and side braid. So beautiful.

I didn’t realize your old apt had two levels. That is pretty cool. But I also didn’t realize you were still sleeping in the same bed and I would have told you not to. Oh well, I am glad you got through that time.

I know it must have been so difficult to write such an emotional post and put yourself out there so much on this blog. You are so brave and you are an incredible person.

ABS isn’t the right guy for you. The right one wouldn’t do this. You will find someone who loves you and thinks you are as cute as me and all your friends do.

Can’t wait to see your new apartment! So far it seems awesome! I am jealous of it.

Hey Ali!

I found your blog recently and have been following you for some time but just HAD to comment on this post just because I can totally relate having been there mid-2009.

Getting my heart broken was the best thing that ever happened to me. I cried/went crazy/got emotionally beaten up as you had (are) but now in a weird way I thank him for putting me thru that. As a result, I moved from California to Barcelona, got a little flat of my own for the first time, studied and graduated with an international MBA degree, met a new, wonderful man and have recently relocated to his home country of the Netherlands with him. I learned how to be brave and find ‘myself again’ before opening my heart to another person. In just a little over 2 years, my how things change 😉

So… Don’t worry, you will get there! In the meantime you have tons of real and (blog) friends cheering you along the way!!!

Hugs from Holland,
Jeanelle @ Glocal Girl

You made me cry. I’ve been through it all and then some. Ten years later I am married to a man so wonderful, it makes me wonder how I ever could have thought “ex” was someone I could spend my life with. I wrote a song thanking him for breaking up with me and freeing me up to meet my husband. You will find the same happiness and be equally thankful, in time.

You WILL be okay.
I always love your posts, and I know this must have been hard to write. But I promise that the difficulties and sadnesses that come with a breakup become fewer and fewer with each day.
Stay strong. You are fantastic.

Breakups are always hard, the best thing you did was let your friends and family in to comfort you and really to just be there for you. This is a great time to just get to know yourself as an individual and not a couple. You guys both seem like great people so I know you’ll pull through this.

Oh and apartment hunting in NYC is a nightmare!! I’m glad you were able to find something so fast.

You are so right, my dear. You WILL be ok. In fact, you will be great. Break-ups are devastating and hurtful and sad. But you are going at it the right way – you’ve had your grieving period and are now ready to pick yourself up and move on, strongly, smartly, happily. Hang in there, ok?

<3

can't wait to see photos of the new apartment all set up!

Reading your post brough up so many feelings I faced when my boyfriend and I broke up.. It was so hard.. I cried EVERYWHERE.. I will never forget sitting on the sets in Times Square histerical crying because I felt like I couldn’t literally walk anymore and random tourists coming up to me and asking if I am ok.. Well you know what I am Ok!! It was the hardest thing I had ever faced and I hope that nobody has to go through it but you will be ok.. I don’t know you but I feel like I do and hopefulyl I will get to meet you someday 🙂

Best of Luck Ali!! xoxo

Oh my gosh, my heart hurt reading that entire post!! To hide all of those emotions and feelings from your blog (which seems like such a huge part of your life), must have been incredibly difficult. You will be okay and are so blessed with so many wonderful people in your life. 🙂 Can’t wait to see pictures of your new apartment!

I absolutely love your blog and feel like we would def be friends in real life(creepy, I know!). I just wanted to tell you how brave I think you are. I have been through a very similar situation in my past. Although at the time I thought my life was completely over I have now met an incredible guy. Things definitely happen for a reason. Still, I think you should take this time to work on yourself, your relationship with friends, running, and whatever else makes you happy. After being in such a serious relationship, it may be fun to be single for a while:)

Thanks for your honesty!

First, I’m sorry. I can honestly say that I know almost exactly how you feel. Ironically enough I wrote a post last week about breaking up. My break up was in 2007 and we were together for 2.5 years..we lived together, the whole 9 yards. http://lifeisbeachykeen.wordpress.com/2011/03/30/did-you-know-breaking-up-is-hard-to-do/

I think you are doing remarkably well. I was a hot mess for a long,long time. I tried to go to work the next day but I sat at my desk sobbing. Obviously my boss sent me home, where I laid in bed sobbing until my Mom came over and helped me start packing. My story had a different ending.. but it took 5 months and a lot of tears. We have now been married for 2 years.

As someone else said, it’s so cliche but, “Everything does happen for a reason.” Our break up made our relationship much stronger, and he realized, that he needed me.

This is such a great update with a really positive and happy ending. Thank you for sharing!

And, congrats on your new place! Unpacking and making things homey is one of my favorite activities.

As someone who went through a tough breakup after an 11 yr relationship last year, I PROMISE you that it not only gets ok, it gets awesome 🙂 In time, you’ll find someone that loves you & wants to be with you the way you deserve. You obviously have an incredible support system but if you ever need another friend to talk to, you know where to find me. And of course, I make an excellent wing woman 😉

I just told you this, but I love you and I love you for putting this out there so beautifully. It sucks you’ve had to go through this, but you’re coming out so strong for it. xoxo

I’ve only been reading your blog for about a month so i must say you hid your feelings well in blogland.

In that short time I’ve come to learn that you are genuinely an heartful, warm & spirited girl. Good luck to you in your future as a single girl in the city 😉

I am so impressed by your ability to have put everything out there like that. Although it may have felt good to get it all off your chest, I still really admire your honesty and openness.

Living alone is wonderful and perfect for fresh starts (and some self-discovery, too). So excited to hear about adventures in your new place! (and Kitchen! ) Here’s to a fabulous new beginning!!

HUGS HUGS and more HUGS from DC.

I love you for putting all of this out there. You are an incredible person and I can’t imagine how emotionally wrenching and toxic it was to continue to live in the space you shared with ABS. I imagine this new space will continue to surprise you with how good it feels to occupy.

If I were a guy, I would be asking you out in a second. You definitely deserve to be in a relationship with someone who is as happy, fun and positive as you are. Oh and you are a TOTAL KNOCKOUT. I want to come to NYC and drink wine with you and watch all the men flock to your side. And booking mega bus ticket now…

Ali – I just want to say that you are an incredible person (as I’ve come to know through your blog) and that I am so proud of you for being so strong through this difficult time. When my ex and I broke up I went through a lot of what you did – I threw up a few times after and couldn’t stop crying (everywhere!!). You have incredible friends though and I know you are going to get through this. As devastated as I was I am doing SO well now and realized that sometimes you just need time on your own to get perspective.

Congratulations on your new place it looks like it has a ton of potential! Also – I’m running the Scotland 10K this weekend too maybe I’ll run into you!!

Like some of the other readers commented, I teared up reading this. Similar thing happened to me with my college bf a year after we graduated. After 5 years of dating, I totally thought we were going to get married. It was such a hard time, but looking back, I know I’m stronger now than I was before. Now I rely on myself to make me happy, not someone else! And living alone was so scary at first, but now I feel so independent and confident knowing I can do it all on my own! Running also played a huge part in my recovery (if you will). It was awesome to have a goal to focus on – which for me was my first ever half marathon!

Hang in there, Ali. It sounds like you have a GREAT support system of family and friends to help you through it all 🙂

After talking to you about this the other night, I KNOW you made the right choice. Breakups are always so hard, but you already seem like you’re headed to such a good place in your life right now. It sounds like your friends and family are being incredibly supportive, and that’s so awesome- it’s always easier to forget about stuff when you’re distracted by the ones you love. And living alone is so much fun, I promise! No one ever moves your stuff or eats your chocolate 🙂

I have been following your blog for about a month now. I love it.

This post reminded me of my last breakup with my boyfriend of 2 years. I wasn’t completely blind-sided but a HUGE part of me didn’t want to believe that we weren’t going to spend forever together. It took me many weeks, so many kleenexes and lots of long quiet periods by myself to realize that he didn’t deserve me! I am not high on myself but I due believe that it happened for a reason…4 weeks later I met the man I am now engaged to. I know that everyone needs time to heal and believe you, me I know you aren’t looking for any kind of relationship now, but always remember that when one door closes, make sure to keep a window open, because you never know what might enter.

You’ll be GREAT! 🙂

Ali,

You don’t know me at all (nor have I commented on your blog before), but I came across your blog after it was linked on MegaNerd’s blog (whom I’ve followed for a long time) during the National Half Marathon preparations. So I’ve only been reading for a few weeks, but already I am a fan of you and your smiley nature!

I’m going through something very similar right now (haven’t entirely broken up yet, but I can tell you that I have an awful, clear feeling in my heart that it will happen shortly) and am dreading the tears and the worthlessness that I know I will feel, even if I know somewhere deep down that it’s not true.

It’s even worse that we work at the same company.

(I know, everyone warns against that, but it happens. We don’t work on the same team, but we work on the same floor. Not good going forward, I imagine.)

Anyway. You sound so strong and I am betting there are good and bad days both, but you sound remarkably well.

I live in the city too, so maybe we can do some single girl activities together soon! I don’t blog well (had one for awhile and then was woefully unable to stick to a good schedule) so I kind of feel weird knowing lots about you and you knowing nothing about me, but ah, what can you do?

Best of luck, and sending you smiles going forward!

I totally feel you on this and you are so brave for putting it all out there. A little over a year ago I broke up with my boyfriend of over five years (who I had moved across the country for, and I did think we were going to get married at some point), and while I was the one who broke off the relationship, it was still really, really hard. My entire life had revolved around him and all the thoughts I had about our future were suddenly gone. I loved him but wasn’t in love with him and it wasn’t going to be fair to either of us. You deserve to be with someone who wants to be with you as much as you want to be with them. It’s hard now but will get easier and you will be okay! Also, we’re UES buddies so if you ever need to chat or run or anything just let me know. 🙂

Wow. I am truly so sorry to hear that you were going through so much over these past few months! I have done my fair share of crying in public in NYC (big black sunglasses are my friend), and from one Ali to another, I just want to say it DOES get better…and you WILL be OK! (But I think you already know that).

This is definitely the time to lean on your friends (real and virtual!), and to take good care of yourself. And it sounds like there is already a silver lining in your new apartment! Any chance that apartment is…pet-friendly? Dogs are furry little vitamins for the soul!

I just started reading your blog, but wanted to send happy thoughts your way! It will all work out in the end…and like others have said, running is a great outlet…I have solved so many of life’s curveballs out on runs. Hang in there…it will be get better! xoxo

Jocelyn says: April 5, 2011 at 9:41 am

Thank you for sharing. Break-ups suck at the time but life goes on and it sounds like you have lots of support to carry you through. Be kind to yourself.

I’m so proud of you for how far you’ve come and the way you’ve dealt with this situation. Your class and grace has been second to none and you’ve even enjoyed a few laughs and situations along the way. 🙂 Can’t wait to come bless your new house with a bottle of wine!

Hopefully my coworkers didn’t mind me crying just then. I’m so excited to come up and see your new place! I firmly believe everybody should live on their own at some point in life; it helps you truly understand yourself. This will be good for you!

You know my thoughts on ABS, and I know you are going to find somebody who knows just how lucky he is to have you in his life and he will do anything to make sure he never hurts you. And until then that’s what good wine and great friends are for! I love you!!!

Hi Ali!

I had figured that THAT was your new since you hadn’t mentioned ABS in more than a month! Good for you for being able to pick up the pieces. Are you still on the East Side? I love your sunrise pictures every morning.

I almost cried reading this – I have totally felt those feelings before, and I know it’s such a roller coaster and nothing about it is easy, but I promise it will get easier (and it sounds like it already has!) I think it’s amazing that you put all of this out there on your blog, because I think so many women (and men) have been through a difficult breakup and it really does help to know that you’re not the only one who goes through losing someone you thought would always be there, and bounces back from it. I can tell from your blog that you are a strong, happy, and confident person, and I know you have lots of great things ahead for you. I would bet that starting in a new apartment will be so liberating! Of course it will take some adjusting, but nothing you can’t handle, and I’m sure it will also bring on tons of exciting new opportunities and adventures! It must have helped SO much to have such a strong support system around you. Never doubt what you wrote on that post-it – it’s so true. <3

Tara Marie says: April 5, 2011 at 10:06 am

I am so sorry you had that to deal with. Break-ups are horrible and certainly something which can stress anyone. I have been reading your blog for maybe three months and it has always made me smile. And to think that you were juggling all those things just speaks to how strong a person you are!

It looks like you are well on your way to a wonderful new chapter of your life and I wish you the best as you continue!

Big Hugs your way! Thanks for sharing, hope you enjoy your new place.

Sara Hearts Steak Sauce says: April 5, 2011 at 10:39 am

I’m proud of you and I love you. You know how I feel and where I stand 🙂

sorry to hear about your break-up…thanks for sharing…i’m sure it was hard for you to share. Good wishes with your new home! Can’t wait for pics of the new place! Stay strong!! 🙂

I’ve never commented but oh my goodness, Ali, you are SO strong, so talented, so gorgeous, and have SOOO much ahead of you (did I mention gourgeous?!). I admire the dignity with which you have handled this. You are a role model for everyone in this situation. One of my favorite quotes, (that is currently the background of my desktop post precent breakup that I handled with much less poise) is: “You mustn’t be afraid to dream a little bigger, darling.”

Hey Ali, I am a long time reader but first time commentator. I recently went through a similar situation with my ex-boyfriend of 4 years. I thought we were going to get married and live happily ever after, he even took me engagement ring shopping. I was the happiest I had ever been then he called me up and broke it off. I spent 2 months, trying to work it, when he didn’t want to, blaming myself and question how I could think everything was perfect when he OBVIOUSLY wasn’t on the same page. It took me 2 months after that + running 39.3 miles in a weekend (I signed up and completed goofy) to realize that I was not in the wrong, I am okay and that I don’t DESERVE to be treated like something disposable and no one does.

If you want to talk feel free to email me.

Sending you good thoughts, love and strength.

Best,
Ellen

Ali — I had a feeling that this was your news, since you had not mentioned ABS in some time. I just started reading your blog a few months ago, and love reading about all of your NYC adventures. Like other commenters, I am so impressed you are able to write so honestly about this time in your life. My college boyfriend broke up with me after 2.5 years, and I can relate to many of the feelings you are having. As I’m sure you know, time and close friends and family will be the best way to heal, and it sounds like you are well on your way. I am sure it won’t be easy, but in the end, you know that no one worth being with, will ever be able to hurt you like this.

Ali, after reading about how you were going through some changes, moving, etc. the past few weeks (not a stalker or anything…) I am glad you finally opened up about what happened- it is VERY hard to write these things and expose them to the public so I admire how brave and honest you are! Things will definitely turn for the best for you, and seems they already have! Where did you move to?

I stayed on the UES actually! I’ve grown to love the neighborhood (and the proximity to Central Park!).

Giant, across the country hugs!! I went through a bad breakup post college – we’d been together since my junior year of high school and all through college – picked a house and had grand plans for him to live there our first year out of school while I applied for a transfer with the large accounting firm I worked with. Fast forward from graduation in June to Thanksgiving and walking in on him with another girl…not good! I completely understand the feeling that the world was ending and forgetting how to breathe, but believe me, it will get better! I still have days where that night I walked in on them stings, but almost 6 years later, they are fewer and farther between. I’m married to an amazing guy and looking back know that it all happened for a reason, even if I’m not 100% sure what the reason was. You will be ok!! You have an adorable new apartment and I can’t wait to see it all decorated!!

PS – my roomie and I in college didn’t have a microwave and it led to some serious creativity. One night my roomie went crazy and made a pot roast, oven roasted potatoes AND baked a cake. We ate like queens that night! 🙂

I’m so sorry! Breakups are awful. You’re awesome, and I hope you know that 🙂

You should be very proud of yourself for getting through this! Breakups can be tough and it’s good that you allowed yourself time to cry and cope, cause sometimes its OK to be sad.

You’re strong though and you are and will get through this and be 10x better in the end!

Remember, you’re not breaking up, you’re moving on…and who knows what other wonderful things are out there for you 🙂

I just started reading your blog, but I wanted to say that I am so sorry to hear about your break-up! Good luck setting up the new place. It sounds like you have the right attitude to make the most of this fresh start.

Caitlin says: April 5, 2011 at 1:45 pm

This is an amazing post – thank you for being so honest about a hard experience. You are strong and lovely and will find such happiness! 🙂

Kristin says: April 5, 2011 at 2:25 pm

I went through a difficult break-up recently too, and just like you I did not see it coming. It is so hard, and you seem to be handling it really well. He is not the right one for you and you will find the right person. I’m happy for you that you moved out and got your own place finally! It must have been difficult – to say the least – to live with your ex. You deserve nothing but happiness!!

Oh Ali, break ups are so so tough. I was so devastated after my last one that I went to Europe…I felt like it was the furthest I could get away from the guy. You’re definitely handling it really well though! Gosh, I can’t even imagine how you added apartment hunting into that mix. Apartment hunting in New York is about as much fun as walking on hot coals! Good luck with your cooking adventures! If you’re ever looking for fun recipes, let me know =) Good luck with everything! Stay strong!

Know that you have so much support from your blog community! Break-ups are so hard, but viewing the whole experience as a new start/beginning is the best way to move forward. You have so many amazing things in store, trust me!!

As probably the only dude commenting I leave you with this: Become your dream.

OMG, Ali! I’m so sorry 🙁 Breakups are awful, let alone having to see the person and sleep in the same bed, ugh. You have such a great outlook and I KNOW that you will be more than OK. Take this as a chance to make a better, new and improved version of your fabulous self. Good luck girl!

I think you’ve definitely decided to look at it the right way — as a new beginning! It can be so easy to fall into the trap of being depressed about something ending, but new beginnings are so. much. fun. You’re going to gain so much strength going through this! As my roommate says when I’m down, “Chin up, buttercup!”

And if you ever want to go for an UES run…definitely let me know! Take care!

What a courageous post-I think everyone who has gone through a break up can relate to this. You are such a positive person and no doubt have great adventures to come!

Aww Ali I’m so sorry…breakups are absolutely one of the worst things to go through but they always ending up being the BEST things for us in the end. It’ll get better, I promise. I don’t know if you read this blog, but I love this post! http://www.rachelwilkerson.com/2010/08/30/how-to-have-a-healthy-break-up-get-over-a-guy/

I know that this situation must have crushed you, but I can already see that you’re coming turning something so difficult into an opportunity. You are passion, vibrant, and smart. That shows through on your blog and it’s even greater to see in person. You are taking NYC by storm all on your own with poise and class. Here’s to health, happiness, and new beginnings!

Wow…I had no idea all that was going on…AND that you were still living together. I can’t imagine how incredibly difficult these last weeks must have been for you. Thank you so much for sharing what you have- I think it gives hope to those in the midst of a break up… And I love the “you’ll be ok” picture. I don’t think we can ever hear that enough. Way to stay healthy despite a painful situation…

Ali-
You are such a wonderful person and like others that have commented, I just want to let you know I am sending good vibes your way! You are such a sweet, genuine person (even though I only know you through the blog, I read it every day and I am always inspired by your positive take on life) and deserve the best life has to offer!!!:) You are going to make that apt. look SO cute and it will be your OWN!!! That has to be the best feeling…oh yeah, and you can run at any hour of the day/night and not have to feel like you are “putting out” someone else! It’s all about YOU!!!!! So although it hurts and feels confusing at times…this is where you are supposed to be: right here, right now. Hang in there and keep smiling that great smile!!!!!!!!!

Ali, oh my gosh! I can’t believe you’ve been carrying this for so long! I’m so happy for you that you’re able to move on now. You’re so strong!

Oh girl, I am SO SORRY that you have been going through so much heart ache. I teared up reading this post and I have been there, I thought the guy was the greatest thing in the world and that I would never be happy again….and then I met Billy and realized that there is SO MUCH BETTER OUT THERE!! You are incredibly gorgeous and sweet, talented and STRONG. You deserve nothing less than the best. I LOVE YOU!!!

Sorry to hear you had a rough time and I’m glad to hear that you are picking up the pieces and feeling better. Not sure if it helps to hear this but I was in a similar situation. It’s so hard to break up when you are both under the same roof! I too had to be the one to leave and find my new life, it made me a stronger person. And now that I am older and married to an amazing man, I could look back and see that it was part of the journey that led me to where I am now.

Ali, I don’t know you yet (even online… new reader, been lurking for a couple of weeks) but I have been through the exact same situation, down to sharing a bed until I found a new apartment, in Boston rather than New York and my heart went out to you when I read this post so I wanted to comment.
I promise it does get better, and you’re right, you’ll be OK! And after a while, I loved having my own apartment – I miss having it now!
Seriously, feel free to email me if you’d like someone to commiserate with- for me it was 3.5 years ago, but it’s definitely a unique experience. Thinking of you!

Ali, I’m so so sorry you are going through this. I have tears in my eyes reading this. You have to trust me when I tell you that you will get through this and you will be a stronger person because of it. Getting your heart broken can feel like the worse thing in the world, but there is always something you learn from it and there is always the light at the end of the tunnel. You will meet someone who is just dying to be with you, who will never make you doubt anything and who will love every little thing about you. Girl, I’ll be your wing woman when we come out to NYC in June. You deserve happiness and I know you will find it.

I went through this my sr year of college and I thought my life was over. I’d go on interviews for jobs and run to the bathroom crying. I was a mess. And then less than a year later a met the man I would later marry. Keep your chin up- we’re all here for you : )

I am sorry that you had to go through that. You are a beautiful girl and you will find the man that you are meant to be with! Enjoy your new apartment…I love that you have a hula hoop 😉

everyone else’s responses were right on point.

mine?

you’re very goodlooking.

that is all 😉

XOOX

I agree with Dori that you look (and are) gorgeous in the photos. I am so impressed you guys were able to live together for so long post breakup. Enjoy your new place believe me, sometimes it’s great to have the run of your space with no compromise!

U rock girl! I never read your blog until now, but want to say, I have been there, and I know that blindsided shock, pain, confusion, and how hard it is, I remember being depressed for a year over my ex, it was the hardest thing , I got the bad news by finding out he was cheating and he got the girl pregnant, it destroyed me, made me feel worthless, lost, and so sick, but then I realized, life i too short, and this happened to me to make me stronger and there were better times to come, and to just enjoy my life, and love myself, and not let one person ruin my life, he did not deserve to do that to me, he was not god! So I just want to say , I think you are so strong and beautiful too by the way , and better things and perhaps a better man to come when time is right ; ) xo

Ali, I’m sorry to hear about your tough times, but am in awe of your strength through it all. Thank you so much for sharing your story! Hugs from this direction 🙂

Aw, Ali – you are going to be more than okay! You have an amazing spirit and outlook on life, no doubt good things are on the way. xo

Everything happens for a reason. Hang in there!

It was so nice to hang out with you this weekend!

I love reading your blog..and what I can tell from you is that you are a great, happy, independent women! You are so worthy of a happy, healthy life…I wish you all the luck in the world.

My husband and I seperated 4 years ago and were apart for 3 years…I learned so much about myself in those three years and am so proud of the women I am now. We worked things out, mainly for the kids, and now our relationship is stonger than ever..because we are both different people. You will find happiness..and I hope that you find all the amazing things about yourself that you sometimes forget because you are in a relationship.

Good luck Ali..and have a blast!! Love your new apartment!! Can’t wait to see it all girly and cozy!!

I’ve actually never read your blog until now. I saw the title “A New Beginning” as a link back on my friend Meghann’s blog (mealsandmiles.com) and for some reason decided to click and read.

I’m so glad I did.

In 2006, I graduated high school, I moved 8hrs away and started college. I had been in a relationship prior to leaving, we decided to stay together while I was in school and after my first year away, I decided I couldn’t take the distance anymore and moved back down. This was in combination with the fact I really didn’t like the school I had chosen and some other details, but yes, I also moved for the guy.

We got an apartment together, things were going well. Then like you, randomly. “We need to talk” – I can’t say I didn’t see it coming, I had been happy, but I noticed he no longer was – not necessarily with me, but with himself. He sort of let himself go on a lot of levels and breaking up with me would allow him to refocus himself and do what he had to do. He did. I was obviously heart broken that there was absolutely nothing I could do, no support I could give that would make things better. After that initial plummet I started analyzing our relationship. I realized things that maybe weren’t as perfect as I thought – you know what they say, ‘Love is blind’, right? It took a lot of strength to the point that I realized these things.. I never dated anyone in high school. I thought for sure I would be alone for a really long time after one failed relationship. But, I started to focus on me. I lost weight, got in shape, got a great job, went on dates just for fun, made new friends. Him breaking up with me was the best thing that could have happened. Fast forward a year, I met a great guy. Fast forward another year and a half and we’re engaged to be married.

I really do think everything happens for a reason. It’s silly but things just always seem to have a way of working themselves out and although it’s hard right now for you, you’re right.. everything will be okay.

I know I’m a little late but I had to comment, for the first time here I think! sorry 😉

Ali, I always find your posts to be so positive and encouraging first of all! Second, you are strong woman! Third, thank you sharing something so personal and intimate, that’s hard to do and I admire that….hope you are having a great week so far!

If you look at your site stats today, you will probably notice some crazy person clicked through 4 months worth of your posts looking for this one…. I’m not crazy I promise. My boyfriend of 4 years, the only I thought I was going to spend the rest of my life with, broke up with me. I was blindsided, I’m confused and I can’t stop crying. I wanted to find this post because I know how strong you were through your situation. Right now I’m just struggling to sit up straight and type but I wanted to say thank you for being honest with this post. Eventually i’ll write a similar one but for now, it’s only real enough to me to cry.

xo Marie
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